Somewhere over the rainbow, my dreams are taking shape
Somewhere over the rainbow, my life is catching pace
Right now, my life has no up and down, no right or left, i am just having what you may call a vacation or a party. Work is not much, nor is the stress. I just lie around my room at times and stare into space. It has been 2 days since i got back home, and i haven't left the house since. If you ask me what i have been up to, well, i have absolutely no clue. Yet time is rushing past and before i know it, its evening and its dark. I just sit here with my music and my things, i sleep, i read, i eat, i sing. Many may say, how lucky i am to be living this way, with no work and no deadlines to try and keep at bay. But if you ask me, its driving me insane, this just doing nothing and being lost in a daze. So many useless thoughts come to my mind and i sit and dwell on useless things, simply wasting my time.
But i know, somewhere my dreams are taking shape and soon i am going to hit upon the perfect potion to make me sane. Till then, i continue to sit and gaze, gaze at some empty spot in an endless daze.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Shopping
So i collect bags, shoes, clothes, accessories, cosmetics, perfumes, watches and a whole lot of things that i absolutely don't need. But i believe it is only because of people like me that the economy is benefiting and growing. It is only because of selfless people like me, who don't keep money to themselves, but give it off for good causes (like adding collectors items to their wardrobes and houses). You may not agree with me on this one, but i do honestly believe they are a good cause. What better cause can there be, than one that makes you happy, right ?
I am good at convincing people into buying things for themselves. My motto, if u like it, buy it. Who knows what is in store tomorrow for us ? So enjoy today and pamper yourself, believe me, it's a must ! Tomorrow we might not have anything, or we might have something better than this, but the fact is, right now, today, if we really like something, we should pamper ourselves and buy it.
I have thought about different career options, like jewelry making and cooking, but i think i would do good as a shopping assistant. I can easily convince people to buy things. Even if at the start they have only a 10% feeling that they would like to have something, by the end of my convincing session, they will be feeling like they absolutely need it and its not a big spend, its just a necessity. Now of course a new bag is an absolute necessity ! Imagine, how nice it will look with that new shirt ( which u don't have right now, but keep walking into shops with me, and you will realize how your life was incomplete and how the expensive bag u just bought is so not complete without this new shirt to bring out the look of it !) and there, you will be pulling out your wallet and walking up to the counter with the new bag, by now thoroughly convinced about how nice it will look with your new ensemble, which we still have to get down to picking !
I love shopping, be it for myself or for someone else. It just makes me so happy and energetic, like fresh air after a stuffy train ride in Mumbai local trains ! Now not many people will understand what i am saying, so next time you want to shop, take me along, and you will totally see things from my point of view, while i convince you into joining the elite group of us few !
I am good at convincing people into buying things for themselves. My motto, if u like it, buy it. Who knows what is in store tomorrow for us ? So enjoy today and pamper yourself, believe me, it's a must ! Tomorrow we might not have anything, or we might have something better than this, but the fact is, right now, today, if we really like something, we should pamper ourselves and buy it.
I have thought about different career options, like jewelry making and cooking, but i think i would do good as a shopping assistant. I can easily convince people to buy things. Even if at the start they have only a 10% feeling that they would like to have something, by the end of my convincing session, they will be feeling like they absolutely need it and its not a big spend, its just a necessity. Now of course a new bag is an absolute necessity ! Imagine, how nice it will look with that new shirt ( which u don't have right now, but keep walking into shops with me, and you will realize how your life was incomplete and how the expensive bag u just bought is so not complete without this new shirt to bring out the look of it !) and there, you will be pulling out your wallet and walking up to the counter with the new bag, by now thoroughly convinced about how nice it will look with your new ensemble, which we still have to get down to picking !
I love shopping, be it for myself or for someone else. It just makes me so happy and energetic, like fresh air after a stuffy train ride in Mumbai local trains ! Now not many people will understand what i am saying, so next time you want to shop, take me along, and you will totally see things from my point of view, while i convince you into joining the elite group of us few !
My sandals
I bought a pair of lovely leather sandals last month sometime, in a sale. I bought them, admired them and carefully wrapped them up and put them away in my suitcase to take back home with me when i leave. I got busy with my life and things i had been doing and completely forgot about this lovely new addition to my shoe collection. Today, i was alone at home all day, so to amuse myself, i opened up my suitcase to just see all the things i had bought till now, things i hadn't needed till now, that were lying there in my case, ready to be taken back. I pulled out clothes and things i had bought over the last few months, admired them and folded and put them back. Suddenly my hand touched something at the bottom of my suitcase, i pulled out the bag that was lying there. I opened it and saw my wonderful sandals sitting there silently, looking up at me with shining eyes and waiting for me to try them on again.
I was happy once again, just like i was the day i saw them in the shop window and i decided to buy them. I slid them out of their bag, i sat and i put them on. I walked to the other room and admired them in the mirror. I was grinning by now and i could see that my sandals were thrilled too. We were a funny lot, my sandals and me, standing there in front of the mirror and grinning like idiots. I did a silly little dance in them, just to show i was really happy to have them in my life. Then, i took them off, and with love and care wrapped them back in their bag and put them in my suitcase where they will stay till i reach back home. I know they are as happy to be a part of my life as i am to be a part of theirs. I know i love them a lot and i cant wait to get back to India and flaunt them off !!
I was happy once again, just like i was the day i saw them in the shop window and i decided to buy them. I slid them out of their bag, i sat and i put them on. I walked to the other room and admired them in the mirror. I was grinning by now and i could see that my sandals were thrilled too. We were a funny lot, my sandals and me, standing there in front of the mirror and grinning like idiots. I did a silly little dance in them, just to show i was really happy to have them in my life. Then, i took them off, and with love and care wrapped them back in their bag and put them in my suitcase where they will stay till i reach back home. I know they are as happy to be a part of my life as i am to be a part of theirs. I know i love them a lot and i cant wait to get back to India and flaunt them off !!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Is it racism?
I have always felt that in Europe, wherever i go, people give me this look, like i am some untouchable creature or just some filth. I used to think maybe it was in my head and i was imagining things, but as time passes, i have started believing that its not just me, but it is true, we Asians are not considered equal to them white skinned people. It saddens me and at times makes me angry too.
What makes me get my anger out right now, is an incident that happened to me yesterday. I was coming back from my holiday and i got off the train at my destination. As i got off, i saw 2 cops standing there. As thoughts passed through my mind, i said to myself, its funny how we Asians are always looked at with suspicion, but i just walked on towards the exit lost in my thoughts. I walked all along the platform, out the exit, crossed the road and was walking towards my bus stop. It is my normal route and i have walked down it plenty of times, to know that at the street corner, there will always be some or the other drunk guy waiting to start a conversation. Just as expected and as a welcome back home routine, there were 2 drunk men sitting there. Paranoid as i am, i increased my speed and walked faster to put as much distance as possible between the drunk guys and me, when from behind i heard a man's voice call out to me. I ignored and walked on faster, assuming it was these same men, who harass women asking for a lighter or a cigarette. But then i heard footsteps running behind me and before i knew it, someone tapped on my arm. I turned around holding my breath and fear in my heart, to see the same 2 police men i had crossed a few minutes back on the platform. They had followed me all the way and the minute i stopped they stood on either side of me and asked me for my identification papers. I pulled out my passport and my residence permit with my heart beating fast and my hands ice cold. I am not a fan of being stopped in the middle of the road like a convict or someone who has done something wrong. I showed them my papers which were all in place, and i apologized for walking fast when they called and told them, i had been bothered before on the same road by drunk men and i was scared. They said that is ok, they saw all my papers, asked me how long i was to stay in this place, returned my passport and said, have a good day and just walked off. Leaving me standing there in the middle of the street with a few people staring at the scene that had just happened. I was red in my face with shame for being stopped by the cops in this manner. I was scared, i was angry, i was upset and i was shaken. Why is it that only we darker skinned people are treated like this? Why can we not be treated as humans equal to the people here? Back in India, we do not stop fair skinned people and look at them with suspicion. They are human just like us. Then why this inferiority feeling is doled out on us in a foreign land? Am i not here because they need me to come and teach their children in school? Isn't it their government who has given me a scholarship to come teach here? When will the world become equal ? When will humans be given the respect they all deserve?
At times like this i feel, no matter how much more money i earn here, i will still prefer to work back in my country where i am given the respect i deserve.
What makes me get my anger out right now, is an incident that happened to me yesterday. I was coming back from my holiday and i got off the train at my destination. As i got off, i saw 2 cops standing there. As thoughts passed through my mind, i said to myself, its funny how we Asians are always looked at with suspicion, but i just walked on towards the exit lost in my thoughts. I walked all along the platform, out the exit, crossed the road and was walking towards my bus stop. It is my normal route and i have walked down it plenty of times, to know that at the street corner, there will always be some or the other drunk guy waiting to start a conversation. Just as expected and as a welcome back home routine, there were 2 drunk men sitting there. Paranoid as i am, i increased my speed and walked faster to put as much distance as possible between the drunk guys and me, when from behind i heard a man's voice call out to me. I ignored and walked on faster, assuming it was these same men, who harass women asking for a lighter or a cigarette. But then i heard footsteps running behind me and before i knew it, someone tapped on my arm. I turned around holding my breath and fear in my heart, to see the same 2 police men i had crossed a few minutes back on the platform. They had followed me all the way and the minute i stopped they stood on either side of me and asked me for my identification papers. I pulled out my passport and my residence permit with my heart beating fast and my hands ice cold. I am not a fan of being stopped in the middle of the road like a convict or someone who has done something wrong. I showed them my papers which were all in place, and i apologized for walking fast when they called and told them, i had been bothered before on the same road by drunk men and i was scared. They said that is ok, they saw all my papers, asked me how long i was to stay in this place, returned my passport and said, have a good day and just walked off. Leaving me standing there in the middle of the street with a few people staring at the scene that had just happened. I was red in my face with shame for being stopped by the cops in this manner. I was scared, i was angry, i was upset and i was shaken. Why is it that only we darker skinned people are treated like this? Why can we not be treated as humans equal to the people here? Back in India, we do not stop fair skinned people and look at them with suspicion. They are human just like us. Then why this inferiority feeling is doled out on us in a foreign land? Am i not here because they need me to come and teach their children in school? Isn't it their government who has given me a scholarship to come teach here? When will the world become equal ? When will humans be given the respect they all deserve?
At times like this i feel, no matter how much more money i earn here, i will still prefer to work back in my country where i am given the respect i deserve.
25 random things about me
Recently this tag is going around and i have been tagged way too many times now, so thought i will get down to finally writing it....
Here are 25 random things about me :
1. I am a coffee and chocolate addict.
2. I am very lazy.
3. I love crawling into bed, staying warm and cuddled in my own thoughts.
4. I am addicted to the internet and feel the need to be in touch with family and friends.
5. I like having/ owning nice expensive things.
6. I love my family more than i love myself (which is a big thing in my life!).
7. I am a shopaholic and can guess looking at an outfit, where it was bought from (most of the times).
8. I have realized i enjoy cooking.
9. I love making jewelry and creating stuff.
10. I always feel the need to be appreciated and liked by all.
11. I love and hate in extremes. It is always black or white for me. Never grey.
12. I like giving and receiving gifts. I love to see the smiles on people's faces when they get something unexpected.
13. Money is something i earn to spend. Saving is not in my dictionary.
14. I believe, if u have it, flaunt it.
15. I have realized i love writing.
16. More and more as time is passing, i miss my guitar lessons and the joy music used to bring to me.
17. I love my puddle and to swim in it. I am scared of adventures and venturing out.
18. I am insecure about things and people that are very important to me.
19. I love the two cats in this house and i am going to miss them the most when i go back.
20. I have realized i hate wearing shoes and socks and that i am a very chappals person.
21. I miss Bangalore more than i had thought i would.
22. I wish i could sing well.
23. I hate criticism and i am not good at accepting it.
24. I love pink color even if everyone makes fun of me for it.
25. I can't wait to get back to India and eat my first breakfast of kanda poha and chai !
Here are 25 random things about me :
1. I am a coffee and chocolate addict.
2. I am very lazy.
3. I love crawling into bed, staying warm and cuddled in my own thoughts.
4. I am addicted to the internet and feel the need to be in touch with family and friends.
5. I like having/ owning nice expensive things.
6. I love my family more than i love myself (which is a big thing in my life!).
7. I am a shopaholic and can guess looking at an outfit, where it was bought from (most of the times).
8. I have realized i enjoy cooking.
9. I love making jewelry and creating stuff.
10. I always feel the need to be appreciated and liked by all.
11. I love and hate in extremes. It is always black or white for me. Never grey.
12. I like giving and receiving gifts. I love to see the smiles on people's faces when they get something unexpected.
13. Money is something i earn to spend. Saving is not in my dictionary.
14. I believe, if u have it, flaunt it.
15. I have realized i love writing.
16. More and more as time is passing, i miss my guitar lessons and the joy music used to bring to me.
17. I love my puddle and to swim in it. I am scared of adventures and venturing out.
18. I am insecure about things and people that are very important to me.
19. I love the two cats in this house and i am going to miss them the most when i go back.
20. I have realized i hate wearing shoes and socks and that i am a very chappals person.
21. I miss Bangalore more than i had thought i would.
22. I wish i could sing well.
23. I hate criticism and i am not good at accepting it.
24. I love pink color even if everyone makes fun of me for it.
25. I can't wait to get back to India and eat my first breakfast of kanda poha and chai !
My puddle
I have always been the kind to be happy in my puddle. I don't like too many adventures and taking risks, and i am always happy mastering the skills required to survive in my puddle and being the queen of it. There have been moments in my life where i have had to move to bigger puddles, where i have had to fight harder for survival and needed to spend more time and energy mastering the art of survival. But all the same, every time i have come up triumphant.
My latest puddle or comfort zone, as you may call it is my new home in here. It is my safe place. My bed, my room, my coffee mug and my laptop. I may go anywhere on holidays and have the best of everything, but after a while i crave to come back and feel at home in my little world.
Not too many months back, this same puddle seemed so new and i was lost in it. I wanted to run away from it and every moment spent in it was not too far from torture. But soon, this same space became home for me and now every few days i want to run back to it, and no longer run away from it. The new family i have met here is now my family, and its been 2 weeks i haven't seen them and i realize now how much i miss them. I am waiting for them to get back home, share my stories and adventures with them and listen to all theirs. In such a short time, this has become my home, my comfort zone. These people have become my family and me a part of theirs. If i was asked to change anything in my stay here, i would change nothing at all. I love every inch of this puddle of mine and its a life i am lucky to be living and calling mine.
I miss my students in school, with their bubbly nature and life full of energy and i realize all the little things that are such a big part of my life now. I am starting to realize how much i love my new world and i know i wouldn't change it with anyone for anything in this world.
My latest puddle or comfort zone, as you may call it is my new home in here. It is my safe place. My bed, my room, my coffee mug and my laptop. I may go anywhere on holidays and have the best of everything, but after a while i crave to come back and feel at home in my little world.
Not too many months back, this same puddle seemed so new and i was lost in it. I wanted to run away from it and every moment spent in it was not too far from torture. But soon, this same space became home for me and now every few days i want to run back to it, and no longer run away from it. The new family i have met here is now my family, and its been 2 weeks i haven't seen them and i realize now how much i miss them. I am waiting for them to get back home, share my stories and adventures with them and listen to all theirs. In such a short time, this has become my home, my comfort zone. These people have become my family and me a part of theirs. If i was asked to change anything in my stay here, i would change nothing at all. I love every inch of this puddle of mine and its a life i am lucky to be living and calling mine.
I miss my students in school, with their bubbly nature and life full of energy and i realize all the little things that are such a big part of my life now. I am starting to realize how much i love my new world and i know i wouldn't change it with anyone for anything in this world.
The sun
Back home, where it never gets very cold, there are so many things i took for granted, simple things like the sun. Back home i would run far away from the sun, and crib and cry the minute the weather got hot. Sun was an enemy, a bad thing that always made me dizzy. But it took me to come to France to realize its importance. Oh the beautiful sun, how i miss it all at once. Last four months here have been grey and cold with barely any sunlight. And even if the sun does decide to come out, the rays don't have any warmth in them. I have always wondered why everything here is so cold. Maybe its because the people don't get the warmth they require from the natural source. But i didn't realize how much i missed it, until last week i was on an island and i soaked myself in its light. The sheer beauty in its warmth, its shine. It lifted up my spirits and made me reach heights of joy i had forgotten existed. I just sat there soaking up the heat, i just lay down on the ground hungry to take in as much of the heat as i could. No artificial heating can come in comparison with the warmth of the sun. I lay there for a long time with the sun in my eyes and a slight breeze from the sea blowing on my face. it was the perfect moment and i wished i could stay there like that forever. With no worry in my mind, with no thoughts to crowd my mind. All at once i was at peace and i felt happier than i had ever been. All i needed was the sun to lift my spirits and soar them high, the same sun i used to run away from not too long back.
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