Here it is finally, the reality of going back. The countdown has begun and the days are rushing by fast. 4 days and i will be on the plane taking me back home, with my bags packed, goodbyes said and a part of me left behind. I suddenly don't want to go back. I don't want this phase to end. I have finally started loving everything and feeling one with this place.
But then at the same time, i want to go back home. Most of all, i want to eat with my fingers and not worry about table manners. I want to speak without thinking if its correct grammar or not, i want to feel free to be what i want, in my own land.
So yes, on the whole, i am excited to be leaving soon. Touching base, meeting my family and my friends. Over this holiday, these 7 months and its adventures. But i promise i will be back to say hello to each one who have meant the world to me here.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
The woes of packing
I love traveling, but i hate packing ! It gives me nightmares, jitters and everything that is not a happy feeling. Small trips or long ones, i always end up packing or carrying more things than i actually need. They i huff and puff with my luggage, crib and curse and promise myself that when i travel next, i will be more sensible. But as usual, the promise will soon be forgotten, and then the next time i travel, the same story will be repeated.
7 months back, as i was packing to come to France, i was very sensible and only put in stuff that i would absolutely need here. I thought i had done such a great job at sorting and packing ( thanks to my parents pulling out 3/4th of the stuff i wanted to put in ), but then when the time came to manage my bags, of course it was a disaster. My bags put together weighed more than me, and dragging them across airports, bus shuttles and railway stations was a tough job and pain. I broke a nail, stubbed my toe, almost missed my train in the process of hauling all my luggage all along the train. I reached my destination and told myself, that is it, on the return, i am traveling lighter than this ! But as expected, my shopping continued. There were so many things i saw, that i will never get in India, and it was so absolutely necessary to buy everything. I kept telling myself, nah, i am still within weight limits. I have nothing to worry. Then i told myself, ok, i will leave behind all the stuff that i bought in India and have used regularly in the time i have been here. Having decided that, i entered my favorite stores and shopped some more.
Finally today, i decided i cannot push it anymore. I must get down to packing and getting ready to go. So i started stuffing things into the suitcase, one by one, and still there were huge piles lying all around. I am finally done with stuffing my bags and i fear its worse than when i came in, so god help me in trying to transport everything. Once again i will be alone, at railway stations, airports and all the way till i get home. Struggling, juggling and continuing to curse my shopping !
7 months back, as i was packing to come to France, i was very sensible and only put in stuff that i would absolutely need here. I thought i had done such a great job at sorting and packing ( thanks to my parents pulling out 3/4th of the stuff i wanted to put in ), but then when the time came to manage my bags, of course it was a disaster. My bags put together weighed more than me, and dragging them across airports, bus shuttles and railway stations was a tough job and pain. I broke a nail, stubbed my toe, almost missed my train in the process of hauling all my luggage all along the train. I reached my destination and told myself, that is it, on the return, i am traveling lighter than this ! But as expected, my shopping continued. There were so many things i saw, that i will never get in India, and it was so absolutely necessary to buy everything. I kept telling myself, nah, i am still within weight limits. I have nothing to worry. Then i told myself, ok, i will leave behind all the stuff that i bought in India and have used regularly in the time i have been here. Having decided that, i entered my favorite stores and shopped some more.
Finally today, i decided i cannot push it anymore. I must get down to packing and getting ready to go. So i started stuffing things into the suitcase, one by one, and still there were huge piles lying all around. I am finally done with stuffing my bags and i fear its worse than when i came in, so god help me in trying to transport everything. Once again i will be alone, at railway stations, airports and all the way till i get home. Struggling, juggling and continuing to curse my shopping !
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Relations
I have been living with a French family for the last 7 months. I eat with them, i help out with house work, i argue at times and i can even say whats on my mind. They treat me just like one of their kids. I am pampered and scolded, i am praised when i deserve and taught what is right and wrong when the time calls for it. I feel as much a part of this family, as i feel back home with mine. But in reality, i have no blood relation with any of the family members, and i am just someone who needed a place to stay and they let me stay with them all this while.
I never address them by name, i don't call them papa or maman, as their kids call them. I never call them by their names simply because they are more than double my age and the idea of adressing them by their names is just very strange. When i refer to them while talking to friends, i say my host parents. I sometimes call them my French maman or French dad too, but that seems very strange as well. It is true, my host mom has been like a mom to me. In the last 7 months, she has treated me just like her own family. I go to her when i have some problem, i talk to her if im feeling low. If i need some help, i turn to her, when i have questions its always her. She protects me and pampers me, she takes so much care of me. She will remember small things about my food habits, things i like to eat, and like any mother will make sure i have surprises and things i like always stocked up in the fridge or in my room. We might share a mother - daughter relationship, but i never call her mom, because in reality she is not my mom. It is weird, i have always started my sentence when i talk to her with "tu". It has always been, "tu veux un cafe ou un the ?" or " tu fais quoi ?". Never have i refered to her by name.
Today she was signing on some books she gifted me, and that is when we realized, i never call her by any name which she can sign by. It is strange, these relations that we make along the way of our life, which have no links, no basis, no history behind. They are just ties we make along the way which cannot really be given any names.
I never address them by name, i don't call them papa or maman, as their kids call them. I never call them by their names simply because they are more than double my age and the idea of adressing them by their names is just very strange. When i refer to them while talking to friends, i say my host parents. I sometimes call them my French maman or French dad too, but that seems very strange as well. It is true, my host mom has been like a mom to me. In the last 7 months, she has treated me just like her own family. I go to her when i have some problem, i talk to her if im feeling low. If i need some help, i turn to her, when i have questions its always her. She protects me and pampers me, she takes so much care of me. She will remember small things about my food habits, things i like to eat, and like any mother will make sure i have surprises and things i like always stocked up in the fridge or in my room. We might share a mother - daughter relationship, but i never call her mom, because in reality she is not my mom. It is weird, i have always started my sentence when i talk to her with "tu". It has always been, "tu veux un cafe ou un the ?" or " tu fais quoi ?". Never have i refered to her by name.
Today she was signing on some books she gifted me, and that is when we realized, i never call her by any name which she can sign by. It is strange, these relations that we make along the way of our life, which have no links, no basis, no history behind. They are just ties we make along the way which cannot really be given any names.
Things i will miss
There are so many things i will miss about France : their coffee, their weather, their cheese, their baguette and what not. I will miss the people, the families and all. I will miss my kids in school, the other teachers and my friends a lot. I will miss my cats, my room, my bed, the garden and every corner of this house of sorts !
I will miss the streets, the river, the gardens, the railway station i have been on every few weeks in the last 7 months. I will miss the kebabs and the brioche tostee avec nutella ! I will miss H&M, Zara, Etam and all the other stores.
I will miss the crepes, the random walks in the parks, i will miss my online life with friends, sharing our day, be it full of joys or not.
I will miss coming home, opening the door and yelling out coucou to my host mom, i will miss her scatter ways and our random coffee's at all odd hours.
I will miss traveling and discovering new cities and places, i will miss most of all these days of almost not working ! I will miss so much, i can't even pen down all, because the fact is, i may have lived here only 7 months, but i am leaving behind a part of my heart.
I will miss the streets, the river, the gardens, the railway station i have been on every few weeks in the last 7 months. I will miss the kebabs and the brioche tostee avec nutella ! I will miss H&M, Zara, Etam and all the other stores.
I will miss the crepes, the random walks in the parks, i will miss my online life with friends, sharing our day, be it full of joys or not.
I will miss coming home, opening the door and yelling out coucou to my host mom, i will miss her scatter ways and our random coffee's at all odd hours.
I will miss traveling and discovering new cities and places, i will miss most of all these days of almost not working ! I will miss so much, i can't even pen down all, because the fact is, i may have lived here only 7 months, but i am leaving behind a part of my heart.
Mixed emotions
I knew when the time came to go back to India, i would feel bad, but i would so dangerously sway between emotions, i had never thought at all. Every morning i wake up counting days left to get back home, feeling excited and putting my day to a start. I meet friends, i visit places, i go to my favorite cafes and brasseries. By afternoon, it sinks in that only a handful of days are left, and then i feel miserable and at times even shed a tear. I then rush around like a headless chicken, eating, visiting, talking , gossiping and taking in every bit of this city and the people living within. By evening i come home exhausted, mentally and physically drained and then i get on my computer and talk to family and friends back home. There again, i start feeling excited with the thought of going back home and meeting them soon, that i quickly forget my all day long blues.
Seriously, what is this madness i ask myself, am i happy to be going back or not at all ? I don't know what i am feeling right now as i pen down my thoughts, but this sure is a feeling i have never had in the past !
Seriously, what is this madness i ask myself, am i happy to be going back or not at all ? I don't know what i am feeling right now as i pen down my thoughts, but this sure is a feeling i have never had in the past !
Monday, April 20, 2009
Life
We all have our problems, our own demons which we fight. We each go through a stage in our life, where we are bogged down by our problems or sorrows. That does not negate that other people do not have any of their own, but it is only that our problems seem so huge to us, that we feel, no one will truly understand what is going on within our minds and hearts. It is true, each person has a part of themselves which is too personal for anyone to understand. Friends and family might try to, they might even succeed in understanding the first 2 or 3 levels of the pain or problem, but below that surface, they will never reach. Because each one lives his life and feels and dreams for himself.
No one has the right to negate someone else's problems by thinking they are not as important or as painful as theirs. They have not lived the exact life of the other person, they have not felt the rush of emotions and so they have no right to judge the other person. No one is better or worse, nor are their problems. It is all too personal and this is what makes each of us different individuals.
No one has the right to negate someone else's problems by thinking they are not as important or as painful as theirs. They have not lived the exact life of the other person, they have not felt the rush of emotions and so they have no right to judge the other person. No one is better or worse, nor are their problems. It is all too personal and this is what makes each of us different individuals.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Culture
Being an Indian and living in India, i rarely realized the depth of our culture and art. Living here now, away from home, i realize how the world is influenced and captured by the beauty of India. People here know more about our culture than at times i do, they read up, ask questions and really show interest in knowing about everything that goes on in our country and lives. Family, weddings, temples, rituals and everything that is non existent in their so called developed nations.
In the last 6 months, i have come across so many individuals who have visited India at least once or dream about visiting it one day when they get the chance. Last week i was introduced to a couple who have been there 3 times already and hope to go there the next time they save enough money. People ask me questions, not just out of curiosity, but out of genuine interest and an urge to learn about everything they can about this exotic country of ours. They learn yoga here in France, know about pranayam and all the forms of art and dance.
How are weddings conducted, what are the different rituals, how are families knit together and what are our customs. The festivals, the temples, the prayers and the people, name it and they have questions on it, sometimes intelligent and sometimes utterly stupid. What does Indian cuisine consist of, what are the daily meals like, the spices, the rice. They are sporting enough to try out different dishes i cook, even if they leave the table sweating and unable to digest the spices.
I feel glad that i came here, not just as an English assistant, but also as a representative of my country to teach the people about my life and culture. Today talking to a class of 8 year old's in school, i asked them if they had enjoyed learning English with me in the last 6 months. They all said yes, English was fun, but what they most talked about and remembered were all the videos, photographs and talks we had in the past on India and us. They each said they wanted to come visit me in my country some day and said they were really glad to learn about people they never thought were like them. I see a change in their attitude from the first day i met them and now. Their ideas that Indians live on tree's and travel on elephants are now completely washed out. They now know we are just like them, living in houses, having cars and even Mc Donalds ! I feel proud to say they can say their names in Hindi after a gentle joining of hands and saying Namaste. This is what is important in today's world, an integration of cultures and two different worlds. People to realize they are no better or worse, but that all are equal no matter where their worlds.
In the last 6 months, i have come across so many individuals who have visited India at least once or dream about visiting it one day when they get the chance. Last week i was introduced to a couple who have been there 3 times already and hope to go there the next time they save enough money. People ask me questions, not just out of curiosity, but out of genuine interest and an urge to learn about everything they can about this exotic country of ours. They learn yoga here in France, know about pranayam and all the forms of art and dance.
How are weddings conducted, what are the different rituals, how are families knit together and what are our customs. The festivals, the temples, the prayers and the people, name it and they have questions on it, sometimes intelligent and sometimes utterly stupid. What does Indian cuisine consist of, what are the daily meals like, the spices, the rice. They are sporting enough to try out different dishes i cook, even if they leave the table sweating and unable to digest the spices.
I feel glad that i came here, not just as an English assistant, but also as a representative of my country to teach the people about my life and culture. Today talking to a class of 8 year old's in school, i asked them if they had enjoyed learning English with me in the last 6 months. They all said yes, English was fun, but what they most talked about and remembered were all the videos, photographs and talks we had in the past on India and us. They each said they wanted to come visit me in my country some day and said they were really glad to learn about people they never thought were like them. I see a change in their attitude from the first day i met them and now. Their ideas that Indians live on tree's and travel on elephants are now completely washed out. They now know we are just like them, living in houses, having cars and even Mc Donalds ! I feel proud to say they can say their names in Hindi after a gentle joining of hands and saying Namaste. This is what is important in today's world, an integration of cultures and two different worlds. People to realize they are no better or worse, but that all are equal no matter where their worlds.
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