The things one learns

I have always wondered why i give so much importance to what other people think of me and what i do. I keep thinking i have moved onto a higher level of self confidence, but then the next time someone says something negative to me, or finds a fault in me, i go back into my shell, into utter self doubt and a feeling of rejection. There have been times when simply to get an approval from others, i have done things i hate to do, overworked myself and at times even pushed myself to collapsing point, just to have people pat on my back and say, oh you are so nice.
Like a fool, i always believed, when people said nice things to me for all i did for them, they were genuine, but slowly i realize, they are only laughing behind my back saying, oh, she is such an idiot. All we need to do is say a few nice things to her, and there, she will be willing to do anything for us. Slowly, steadily i started realizing, all the rotten work would invariably come to me, all the things that others rejected were dumped onto me, and on top of it, i was made to feel, it was a big favor they were doing, to give me all that they did. I never got the true respect i felt i deserved and they would always pull me down and make me feel like the world is such a rotten place to be in. My attitude for a long time has been extremely negative. Everything and everyone was looked upon with a shadow of doubt. I stopped trusting people and stopped being the cheery self i would like to be. I started feeling like no one really wanted to hang around with me, because all i did was crib and complain about things that were going wrong with me.
But as time passes by, i realize, its not me. I don't have to please others or do things for them. If they like me, it should be for who i am and what i stand up to be. I am slowly realizing that it is ok to say no to people. They will respect me more if i am honest with them, rather than say things just to be liked by them. I realize, people are smarter than i think they are, and they can see through everything others say and do.
The last 2 months have seen a major change in me. I am finally doing a job i love. It keeps me energized, positive and happy in life. In turn i have realized, i give off positive energy and hence have more friends all around. I am trying not to be my cribby self, but someone who can be positive, laughing and pleasant to have around. I realize how much of a difference self confidence can do to a person. In professional and personal life. I no longer count the days that go by, but simply stand back at the end of the week and say, wow that was a quick week that passed by. I also realize, how important it is to do a job that one truly enjoys. It shapes up the person who you are and makes you give in the best you can.
I realize i am no longer dependent on anyone. I realize i don't need anyone to make me happy. Happiness is something that i create for myself. This new confidence has helped me realize a lot of things, and if people really love me, they will realize it too and change themselves to be with me.