Three months

Today i finish 3 months of leaving home. Time no longer has any meaning, nor do days. Dates just pass, i still count them backwards and forwards, but they still stand and hold their glance. I was never away from family or friends for so long in the past, but this time it just seems to go on and on. People say i am lucky to be living this chance, but for me, i am tired and want to return to my land.
A friend said, live for today, don't think of future, not realizing the importance that warm future holds in my present life. I wake up on cold grey mornings and dream of the sun and warmth back home, i dream of family and friends and my life that i seem to miss more and more. Holidays are fun, but only for a while, then one wants to go back and make their life worth while.
Don't take away my dreams from me, i know they will only hurt, but let them be. Humor my dreams and my silly wishes, just let me be the person i need to be.

Trying to defend what does not exist

Have you ever fought for something that you know is a lost battle? Or tried to defend some dream that in your heart you know will never come true because it ceases to exist? Sometimes, i ask myself questions, what am i trying to achieve, fighting with the world, defending feelings that don't exist? Why do i try to convince my heart that all will be ok, when in reality i know ok is just an illusion created by me? I say things to myself, just to make me happy, i try to see dreams just because i want to believe doing that will make them come true.
What are illusions and why do we create them? Why do we thrive and breath with them? Illusions hurt more than reality, simply because one persists and the other exists. Illusions make us happy for a little while, or give us whatever we wish to have, but they hurt hard when u fall flat on your face, just because your attention shifted and the illusion disappeared. But yet, even when you know the illusion has gone, you still sometimes find yourself defending it with all your heart. Why does the mind play such games? Why even when you know and you believe you understand the difference between real and unreal, why does your mind still show you and give you hopes of things that weren't ever there?

The beautiful sight !

The Eiffel Tower is one of the most talked about sights, when one is growing up and living in the French language and culture. As a student of the French language, back in school, when anyone asked, "what do you think of when you think of France ?", without a blink, the answer would be the Eiffel Tower ! This clichéd sight, with its gigantic structure and lights !
When i first came to France, i was a little girl, just excited about taking pictures in front of all the famous sights, to show back to my family and friends. But this time, when i went to visit Paris, i really took the time to admire and appreciate all that i was seeing. Touching the old stone pillars of the Notre Dame, and trying to feel the history and stories coming out of them, to simply walking along the Champs Elysees, and seeing the richest and finest ware.
The magnanimity of the Louvre and its majestic pyramid, with the power it held within it. But what won my heart right out, was none other than the sight of the Eiffel Tower. It stood so huge and smart, right in the middle of this city of art. Blinking its blue lights and the numerous people gaping at it, i took my turn to just stand in front and feel the power of it. The sight is beautiful even in day light, but nothing to come even close to comparing it at night !
Paris took my breath away, with its gorgeous sights and lights ! If i have to come back another time, i think it will be Paris, which will be my first choice :)

More rewarding

All experiences in life require efforts. No changes are happy changes and never is life not tough. But to overcome all hurdles and achieve what we want is what makes the ride really fun. The result may or may not be as rewarding, but its the efforts and the final outcome which are a pat on the back.
When i think about the experience i am currently living, i feel like i am standing on my head, coz this world is just the opposite from what i am used to normally seeing. It took efforts to balance myself, and even before that, get myself mentally prepared for this experience. Now finally there, standing on my head, all in balance and my hands firmly on the ground, i feel that the blood rushing to my head is making my thoughts profound. My feet here don't work as much as they would have back home, and my hands are just placed in a standstill. I don't do much, i just stand here on my head and hands, watching and taking in all thats mad. And in this uncomfortable position that i am in, i think to myself, well its true what the strip is saying, "somehow i had imagined this experience to be more rewarding!"

Two loves of my life !

There are many things that i really love, but these two nearly top the lot ! My mug of coffee and this naughty kitten Hercules, they just sum up what i need, to make me smile in times of need.
Hot coffee has always been my favorite pick, to get me up and running quick. Give it to me at any time of day or night, and i will willingly accept it with the biggest smile.
When i wake up on cold mornings, i am first greeted with Hercules who wants me to play with him, and then my steaming hot mug of coffee.
No matter how boring my day seems sometimes, Hercules always has some mischief he will come up with in life. Climb up a table and drop everything, or just stuff his nose in all my things. Jumping up on the door, to turn the handle, and then when the door opens, stride in with his mischievous grin ! Jumping up on the gas and giving me frights, or simply drive me up the wall with his constant noise ! Chewing on all my wires and typing on the laptop, thats Hercules for you in one of his mischievous thoughts ! But despite all his tricks and what not's, oh how i love this kitten of sorts! With his not black, not white, not even grey color, he is the most handsome cat i have got to cuddle !

Small pleasures in life

Who needs big things to happen to you so that you can feel happy and high? Its all the small pleasures in my life that give me the biggest highs ! Cooking a meal and it being appreciated by the people who eat it, or the simple pleasure of finally finishing reading a French novel and understanding almost all of it ! These are things that happened today that made me happy, that made me chirpy.
To add to it all, i did the third pending thing that i was all these days scared to start ! I finally opened up the kit of things that held the secret to making my earrings. I opened the packet and pulled out one set, emptied it all out and thought to myself, oh what were you thinking you idiot, when you cant even remember how it was set up ! I looked at it in fright, thinking i could never complete it, packed it up and just put it aside.
After 5 minutes i thought to myself, anyways its a waste and just going to end up lying in a corner space, so lets see how much more i can mess it up, at least then i can tell everyone i didn't just give up. So out came the box, in went a deep breath and pop fell out all the stuff. I looked at it carefully, tried to make sense. Tried to think what i would have loved to buy for myself. Ideas fell out and it suddenly all seemed so easy and swell ! So slowly but with excitement, i started to join the stuff, and voila in 10 minutes i was looking at a splendid pair of ear drops !
With confidence in myself, i pulled out the glue, stuck some stuff, then took another deep breath and started cutting some other parts. Suddenly it all seemed to fall into its space, and i had in a span of half an hour got my first pair of earrings in place !
With a huge smile and a pat on my back, i then pulled out the stuff from the second rack. Out came the complicated parts, as bigger became the challenge to fix it all up. In a span of another 15 minutes, i had a rough plan in my head, so i started putting the parts in place and waiting to see the result and gaze ! The earrings would look so lovely when they were stuck and joined, i couldn't just take off my eyes !
Now they are both ready, sitting there proudly waiting to dry and i cant wipe out this feeling of pride and joy ! Joy in creating something on my own and pride for not having given it up at the start as i told !

Another year

Another year is soon coming to an end, i find myself asking the same questions again. What was this year to me like? Did i achieve anything right? Well as every year has in store, this year too has had things encore. A lot was learnt, a lot was achieved, some dreams were broken and some fulfilled. Friends were made, friends were lost, fights were won and fights were lost.
As every year i do, this year i have my list of resolutions too ! Will i follow them or will they be forgotten somewhere on the way, its only this time next year i'll be able to tell.
Coming back to this year that was, there is so much that has passed. I got my dream trip to France, i spent time doing a lot of work as a freelance. I taught many sessions at the Alliance, and made many friends who are sure to last. I got to know more people, i grew up a lot. I had my own little house and that was a start.
I spent quality time with my family at long last, after 4 years i was home for more than 3 months ! I learnt a lot on my translation skills, yes, thats something i want to hold on as my positive self. I learnt how to teach little kids and im doing the kind of job i had never dreamt of !
Last year was special in its own way, but i hope next year is better in all ways. I hope to make my dreams come true, if not all, then atleast a few. I hope to have April come soon, so that i can go back to my roots.
Next year will be for me the most bizarre, starting it in a city from the world so far. For the first time i won't start the year same time as my family and friends, i will get those extra hours to dwell on all my thoughts of farewell....